Does someone know how heart attack feels like? I mean in a very humanly way of speaking, not in medical terms… Does it feel like your heart is just about to explode to a million pieces, or does it feel like it has been stabbed million times, or maybe, just maybe feels like it is imprisoned and tightened in a extremely small dark box and can’t see the way out. Then if it feels all these ways I must've experienced so many heart attacks already, but i'm still alive. What I am waiting for? Why not die already? I'm still alive for you - my miracle love. My heart skips a beat every time mistakes you in somebody else's face, my heart jumps every time when hears the phone ringing, my heart beats for for your heart...
Your heart can feel, but can you feel your heart?

Some days I just want to disappear, some days I don’t want to exist. "The Lord gives as much load as you can carry”, but some days I just don’t want to continue anymore… God, please, pick me up, dust me off, kick me in the butt for thinking the unthinkable. I feel like I’ve had it all and there’s nothing new to experience, so I can go, but I know there’s so much more in front of me and I really, really pray and hope and wish to be only unlimited bliss...
Happiness is a state of mind, and no matter what is going on in my life - miscommunication, long distance from loved ones, unsaid words of kindness and love, kid’s health issues, flooded business place right before big event, unreliable employees, problems big or small - I must chose to be HAPPY today! I must chose to believe that I will be able to see again the sunshine over the ocean, the morning dew on a flower petal, the smile on your face, to hear again the whispering sound of the leaves in the forest, to feel your kiss on my lips. I must chose to be HAPPY! It shouldn't be that difficult...

I don’t know if I deserve you, but you are the Love of my life. I don’t know if you deserve me, but you are the Love of my life. Sweetheart, I just pray to God to give me patience and to calm down my anxious heart, to give you strength and health to come closer and faster to me. Baby, I miss you dearly. I know I’m repeating myself, but I can’t go a minute without thinking of you. I really hope you are doing better, you are getting back into shape to be yourself and to love me just the way I am - little bit crazy, little bit sassy, little bit sad and so enormously lost in you. I know, honey, you told me not to do things and to be patient, but is too difficult for me. I want to provoke you, I want to make you want me the way I want you. Baby, hurry up...

Choose freely, Mimi. Don’t feel obligated to me. I will accept your choice and I will not try to talk you out of it. Then again you have to know that no matter how long I will wait for you to come to me - tomorrow, in 3 months, in 5 years - I will be there waiting for you to hug you. Live your life now the way you want, when you ready, you know how to find me. My love for you is infinite. If not in this life I will be with you in the next one. Be well, be happy and know the money and the glory, the big shots positions do not fulfill your soul as the Love do. You are smart, you are emotionally grown - choose wisely. Ask yourself - Do you deserve another heartbreak?

My prayer for you today is :Your Will to be God's Will as well! May God fulfill  your wishes for bliss, health and long satisfying life!

Megani

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEPDnVJX1yU

I wished this morning for a kiss from you. I haven’t felt you energy for a long time, long, around a week. But this is too long for me. So I wished upon the old icon for this very little humble kiss and I got it. Between 12:05 - 12:08 I felt it. The kiss from you on my lips. Thank you for sending me this kiss. I loved it. It lifted my spirit and kept me strong. Because I’m on the edge of the insanity, longing for you. I am sad and happy, I am scared and impulsive to do crazy things. I am cold and hot and most of the time I don’t know in what world I am. Sometimes you seem to be from another world - so, so far away from me - like from another planet. It’s not fair to bring you down to Earth with me. Other times I feel your existence right next to me, I see your smile and I laugh at your jokes. Sometimes I’m arguing with you, because you are stubborn, you should know I am stubborn too and as long as I have God on my side I always have it my way. 

So this morning I woke up with epiphany to tell you this: “You have to dig, dig, dig really deep into the reasons of today, to find the solutions of tomorrow”. This text was given to me to tell you, so you can think about it . Don’t know what it means, hopefully you will find the meaning for you. 

Don’t forget that I love you and I always will. Be brave and everything will come to place. Meditate upon the icon. And call me anytime, anytime. I live now from call to call...

I did not fall, I did not fail, I did not lose a battle. I just experienced another level of understanding Life. Victory does not define me, competition does not apply to my nature. I am not what I do, because when I don’t - I am not. I am a Soul experiencing human body and life on Earth. I live through all colors of emotions - black to white, pain to bliss. And today I will stand tall with the light shining through the Rainbow. I will learn to give and gain Love  from the Universe, cause this is my purpose on Earth, given to me from God!

This is my prayer today for you, Mimi! Always remember - I do love your soul and your human presence on Earth. Be strong and get well soon, cause I need you in my life.

Megani