Sunday, October 5, 2014

Life is so complex. This morning I went to church, got my blessings and my communion from father George in my ministry and then I went to the race track in Arlington Heights. I didn't bet, but I enjoyed myself. What I wanted to say is after I cleaned my body and soul with the body of Christ - then I went to one of the closest sinful spots around.
I’ve been judging people a lot lately and I try to pride myself in not judging. So now, when I suddenly realized that - I want to say: “I’m sorry! I shouldn't judge. I don’t walk in your shoes and you don’t walk in mine.”
I’m sorry Sarah, you are a strong beautiful woman, you have your reasons to do what you are doing.
I’m sorry Sabrina, keep your childish soul as long as you could. It’s priceless.
I want to offer my apologies now, because tomorrow might be too late…
I’m sorry to everyone I've wronged without even knowing what I’m doing - I’m sorry...
There is no explanation why things like that happen. In one day to walk with Jesus and to sin as Juda. I guess that's how it's suppose to be. Maybe you, Chris will be able to tell me. Some as Wayne Dyer or Susan Day will tell me that this is just perfect divine order and as long as I recognize the traps I've been set through and as long as I try not to fall in them I will be set free from guilt. Or some will tell me this is just a lesson that I was able to apprehend, which is good, right?
I want to be a good person, I want to walk with Jesus in my life, and all I need is to find the strenght to be patient and wait for my life just to unfold without pushing it into directions that I desire, just to be patient to see what Jesus have stored for me in the future, because it will exceed my biggest expectations.
I believe!

Sunday, August 31, 2014


Does someone know how heart attack feels like? I mean in a very humanly way of speaking, not in medical terms… Does it feel like your heart is just about to explode to a million pieces, or does it feel like it has been stabbed million times, or maybe, just maybe feels like it is imprisoned and tightened in a extremely small dark box and can’t see the way out. Then if it feels all these ways I must've experienced so many heart attacks already, but i'm still alive. What I am waiting for? Why not die already? I'm still alive for you - my miracle love. My heart skips a beat every time mistakes you in somebody else's face, my heart jumps every time when hears the phone ringing, my heart beats for for your heart...
Your heart can feel, but can you feel your heart?

Monday, August 25, 2014

Some days I just want to disappear, some days I don’t want to exist. "The Lord gives as much load as you can carry”, but some days I just don’t want to continue anymore… God, please, pick me up, dust me off, kick me in the butt for thinking the unthinkable. I feel like I’ve had it all and there’s nothing new to experience, so I can go, but I know there’s so much more in front of me and I really, really pray and hope and wish to be only unlimited bliss...
Happiness is a state of mind, and no matter what is going on in my life - miscommunication, long distance from loved ones, unsaid words of kindness and love, kid’s health issues, flooded business place right before big event, unreliable employees, problems big or small - I must chose to be HAPPY today! I must chose to believe that I will be able to see again the sunshine over the ocean, the morning dew on a flower petal, the smile on your face, to hear again the whispering sound of the leaves in the forest, to feel your kiss on my lips. I must chose to be HAPPY! It shouldn't be that difficult...